HEY WISEGUY: TOO MUCH SECULAR MUSIC

This month our resident fountain of useless semi-knowledge, Wiseguy, helps out a local mom who accidentally keeps purchasing her son music she doesn't think he should be listening to. While she wants to keep it local, she isn't sure how. Can Wiseguy solve this problem? Let's find out!

Hey Wiseguy,

I recently purchased a Baptist Generals album for my 11 year old son who has recently been turned on to rock music. I purchased this album thinking it would be music akin to our family’s values. The name gave me that impression. Boy was I wrong! The secular songs on this album were nothing but tributes to alcohol and possibly-undiagnosed anger issues. Wiseguy, can you help me find some music that is suitable for my son?

Pearl E. Gates

A lady writes in detailing her issue with secular music for her son. 

A lady writes in detailing her issue with secular music for her son. 

Pearl,

While Wiseguy is pro music of any sort (seriously, did you get a chance to peruse our recent 3 Songs list for the month of April?), we understand that not everyone else is and we applaud you for trying to keep it local. So we’re more than happy to help!

While some may argue that they've had religious experiences at acoustic Baptist Generals shows a la early Sigur Ros shows, it’s probably fair to say that they shouldn't be classified as “religious” music, nor would Flemmons and co. want it to be.

Instead, you may want to turn your son onto such musical talents as Seryn or Least of These. Both bands have definitive youth appeal. While Seryn will touch the inner bearded hippie in your son with their multi-layered harmonies and vast array of acoustic instruments, Least of These is better for budding young rockers with bad haircuts and basically sounds one click away from your everyday alternative rock you hear on the radio. You’ve got most of the gamut covered from those two for most male tweens. If he’s an old soul, though, turn him on to some Doug Burr. His Whiskeytown-esque brand of country-fed Americana is something we’re sure you, yourself, wouldn't mind hearing coming through your car speakers after picking him up from middle school. It would at least be much better than that song where the dude just yells, “Sail!” over and over again, right?

Good for you for taking an interest in your son’s listening habits, but bear in mind that he’s probably gonna be hearing whatever he wants to listen to in other places (our friend Nick is the only person outside of India who still buys CDs) where you may have less control than you'd like. There’s plenty of good-hearted secular music in town that you’d probably be able to get behind. There’s about an 80% chance you’ll dig Brave Combo (90% if you drink). Have at it. 

HEY WISEGUY: MIFFED AT MEXICANA

Hey Wiseguy is a recurring column featured in Denton's Little D After Dark. Here, we are presenting a bonus edition of the Wiseguy column for 35 Denton. Make sure to check out Little D's new website when it's up!

​La Mexicana, "authentic" Mexican food for 35 Denton attendees. 

​La Mexicana, "authentic" Mexican food for 35 Denton attendees. 

Hey Wiseguy,

I’m a waiter at a local restaurant called La Mexicana. It’s located on S. Locust St. over by Eagle. Anyways. I’ve worked here for about five years now and I’ve just put together that every March, things get kinda weird. For a few days in the middle of the month we have an influx of customers. Not just customers, but a specific kind of customer. I’m not sure how to describe them. They overly enunciate words such as cilantro or carne asada and they always ask for “off-the-menu” items.

We have a few people who come in at other times in the year (I think one of them is a local city councilman), but it’s always the worst in the middle of March. Anyway, as nice as it is to have the extra business, they don’t tip well and they make me feel really awkward. Do you have any tips on how to deal with these March people? Thanks in advance, Wiseguy.

Sincerely,

Miffed at La Mexicana

Dear Miffed,

Oh no. We think that we might have been that person before. The temptation to roll “R’s” when given the opportunity is just too much to resist. Is hitting the “T” in “horchata” really frowned upon, as well? If so, we’ll stop it. Promise!

Anyway. I think I have half of an answer for you (we’re good at that -- it’s the full answers we have problems with). 35 Denton is a local music festival that happens every year in the middle of March. The bands booked at this music festival tend to attract the type of people you’re describing. The majority of the festival happens in or around the square, but oftentimes some of the crowd will eek out to other areas of Denton and you guys are pretty close, as-is. It’s good for our local economy, but hard on some folks' patience. 

​

“...think about temporarily changing the name to ‘THE Mexicana.’”

Anyway, attendees of this event are probably the patrons you’re having problems with. They tend to seek out the most “authentic” places of any given area and eat/shop there. Take it as a compliment! La Mexicana must be pretty authentic Mexican food in their eyes. We tend to eat our Mexican food on the EMTC (read East McKinney Taco Corridor), but to each their own. If you want them to stop attending your establishment, think about temporarily changing the name to “THE Mexicana,” putting ketchup bottles on the table or by having exclusively large-breasted women work as waitresses for a bit. They’ll stop showing up. Promise. If nothing else, just put up a sign that says, “Closed for 35 Denton. Go eat at La Sabrocita.” Then go fishing. They’ll be gone by Monday.