All Hallow's Eve for Dentonites-only

Picture by Rich Anderson

The clock is ticking closer and closer to Halloween town and whether you're thinking that this is the year you finally stop being the Popeye to your spouse's Olive Oil costume or you're just tired of being a sexy whatever, here's a list of possible costumes for you to blow the lid off of whichever local costume party you plan on attending (it's not Lou's, is it?). These are Dentonite costumes, only, people. So all you out-of-towners can make your own costume ideas. If you have others, list 'em in the comments!

1. Member of the band Peopleodian

What you'll need to to: 

Go to Denton Thrift and find a pair of white pants, a white shirt and either a pocket projector or a broken television set if you can spring for it. When speaking to people instead of saying real words, you only talk in "bleeps" and "bloops." 

2. Someone from the cast of The Rocky Horror Picture Show

What you'll need to to: 

People flock to midnight showings at The Movie Tavern dressed as trannies because it is set in Denton.... Ohio not Texas. It's a common misconception so don't be embarrassed. The closest connection we have to that film is Meat Loaf who went to UNT.

Fish nets, lipstick, platforms... the sluttiest stuff you can find if you wanna go tranny. If not you can model your costume after the "Creation" or Meat Loaf, himself. 

3. UNT Freshman

What you'll need to to: 

Pepper  your conversations with questions such as, "Where's Rubber Gloves," "Denton has a mall?" and "Can I borrow your ID?" Buy a UNT sweatshirt and have a red cup attached to your hand at all times. Go ahead and mark the top of your hand with the letter "X," too.

4. The Eli Gemini

What you'll need to to: 

Find a used tape recorder at one of the many Denton pawn shops, ride your bike and wear a half-way unbuttoned shirt. Walk around and interview people. Watch out for cops, though! If they think you're actually Eli Gemini, you might find yourself in jail by the end of the night. 

5.  A Denton Lifer

What you'll need to do: 

Grow a vegetable garden, a beard that extends all the way to your navel and a strong sense of unity. You can only spend Halloween at Dan's, though. 

6. A Drink and Thinker

What you'll need to do: 

Drink plenty of expensive beer, carry around a chalkboard and stroke your beard (you can get awesome fake beards at Rose Costumes) with two fingers. Make sure to start all of your sentences with, "Well, actually, Kevin..." 

7. The Sound Guy

What you'll need to do: 

Find a bunch of old broken 1/4" cords and drap them around your neck, buy some sort of head covering and develop an addiction to World of Warcraft. Complain about the lack of "resonance" wherever you are. 

8. The Ryan Thomas Becker

What you'll need to do: 

Grab a guitar and acquire the ability to play in a band with every human being you come across. 

9. @DentonProblems Girl

What you'll need to do: 

Dress up like a character from Gossip Girl, be on your phone constantly and funnel copious amounts of alcohol into your body. Complain about anything that you see. 

10. Most Dentonites 

What you'll need to do: 

Nothing. It's not cool to dress up for Halloween, anyway. Stay home and drink too much and pass out some drug-free candy to trick 'r treaters.