UNT/TWU ANNOUNCE COLLEGIATE MERGER

The UNTWU Pioneagles new mascot. 

The UNTWU Pioneagles new mascot. 

The University of North Texas and Texas Women's University made a joint announcement Monday morning that they would be merging their two colleges together in the coming months. 

The merger happened after the natural gas drilling giant, Chesapeake Energy, slowly infiltrated the boards of both schools over the course of the past five years. The announcement was met with proclamations of both corruption and thievery.  

In addition to turning all of the land in between the two (currently separated schools) into a parking lot through eminent domain, there are also plans to get Apogee Stadium running completely on clean coal as soon as next year's newly coed football season begins. You can purchase your UNTWU Pioneagles sweatshirts starting next week at Voertman's and at the UNTWU bookstores.