THE JIVE FIVE - TAKE A SEAT

THE BEST AND WORST TOILETS IN DENTON

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In our constant quest to present you with the best of Denton, we thought we'd take a peek into the oft-overlooked, but ever-so-important restroom. Below you will find what we have designated the five best restrooms in Denton. In the midst of our search, we also found many water closets that weren't exactly up to par (and that's putting it lightly). Needless to say, we decided to do you a favor and include them in a "worst of" list at the bottom! Comment and let us know if we missed one!

 The pleasantly scented men's room of Paschall Bar. 

The pleasantly scented men's room of Paschall Bar. 

The Best Rooms

Rose Costumes - The restroom at this square ex-pat is decorated like 221B Baker St., AKA Sherlock Holmes’ apt. Distressed chairs, fabric-covered walls and other things that sound like they’d make a restroom gross are all over this baño, but somehow it works. Just don't touch anything. Plus, you get to pretend to be Benedict Cumberbatch while you pee. Can’t beat that.

Paschall Bar - Cleanliness is absolutely vital to the quality of a restroom. Many bars apparently missed that meeting. Paschall Bar didn't. In addition to providing a respite from the cigar and cigarette smoke, the restrooms at Paschall are always clean and well-stocked with interesting artwork. In addition, the patrons here are such gentlemen that nobody yells at the ladies for sneaking into the mens’ room when the ladies’ has a line. Another interesting aspect is that the men's room at Paschall is routinely cleaner and nicer-smelling than the ladies. Well done, men. Well done. 

Loco Cafe - This is an executive/level restroom in an unexpected location. These facilities are not only spacious, private and quiet but also clean enough to eat your biscuit sandwich off of the floor (please don't actually do this). As an added bonus, you get to smile or grimace at a photo of Glen Farris as you make your way to the throne.

Chestnut Tree - Where else can you read recipes that include jello molds while peeing at the same time?

The Possibly Mythical Secret Restroom In the Gateway Center - Some We Denton Do It-ers swear by this restroom as the number one place in town to take care of business, but we went investigating and couldn't find it. Our friends wouldn't share as to keep this unicorn of a restroom a secret. We think they might just be big fat liars.

 The men's room at Recycled.

The men's room at Recycled.

The Rest (of the) Rooms

Recycled Books - Recycled employees even avoid this hellhole of a lavatory, instead finding safe-haven in any other restroom on the square. Due to the fact that these rooms are open to the public, it is nearly impossible to keep them clean or even passable. There is almost always a line to get in them. Also, if you enjoy hot water, you're out of luck, it's only freezing cold or lukewarm at best. However, if you're an exhibitionist and enjoy people listening to the sound of you pee, this is 100% the place for you. It's made even better due to the fact that it's right next to the children's section so you can hear small children critiquing Seuss as you try to hover above the seat.

Andy’s upstairs bathrooms (behind the stage)These rooms are usually missing toilet seats and smell like dead things. There are no mirrors. They probably haven’t been cleaned in years, and you can’t count on toilet paper being readily available.

J and J's - The constant fear of falling into the basement below with your pants at your ankles makes for a stressful restroom experience. In addition, the long walk down the hall to get to them has a very The Shining feel to it for some reason. We wouldn't be surprised to see a guy dressed in a dog costume walk out of the men's room at some point.

Rubber Gloves - These restrooms smell of stale urine and a flavor of Doritos that hasn't been invented yet. They're always extremely dark, giving off a very dungeon of doom feeling. We wouldn't want it any other way, though, Rubber Gloves.