Google searches for "how to move to Canada" after Donald Trump's win of the electoral college last week skyrocketed. Trump's win has many Americans (including a couple of us) wanting to escape to the land of maple syrup, Mounties, snow, and Justin Trudeau. Heck, some others are asking Elon Musk to take 'em to Mars. But you know what? They shouldn't. Those people should just move to Denton. Sure, we have our own fair share of difficulties, but we have a pretty damned good time down here. Read on to find out the top ten reasons why people looking for change should pack up and move on down to Denton, TX in lieu of the Great White North.
10. Whataburger - Whataburger is delicious - especially at 2am. Beyond that, we have an abundance of the beefy goodness in town. There are exactly four Whataburger locations currently in Denton City limits. You know how many there are in Canada? None.
9. Canadian whiskey is actually pretty okay, but you sure as hell don't have to move to Canada to get it. Just head on over to East Side on Oak St. and sample a few.
8. The average Canadian ER wait time can be up to 5 hours. Presby will get y'all in there in under 30 minutes. Heck, Medical City Denton (formerly Denton Regional Medical Center) even advertises their ER wait time on a sign. Your broken arm will thank you.
7. There is absolutely zero immigration red tape to get past when you're moving to Denton. Just drive toward Dallas and stop when things start getting trafficky (we're told that will stop eventually).
6. Watching a Texas Rangers broadcast in French just feels wrong.
5. Y'all ever tried their "bacon?" Denton has a great burgeoning restaurant scene with menu items full of regular, Texas-style bacon. Also, there's no Bet the House central-Texas style BBQ up there either.
4. Denton Bicycle Cops are way friendlier than Canadian Mounties. They have back-in angled parking in Canada, too, but you have to do it on a horse.
3. Justin Trudeau is cool and all, but Texas Ag Commissioner, Sid Miller, is certainly what we'll call "entertaining" in his own stupid way. Denton Mayor, Chris Watts, has an accent that is far more charming than anything you'll come across in Canada.
2. Sure Canada has the Canadian Rockies and plenty of other beautiful mountain ranges, but you ain't lived until you've looked out in North Texas and seen a whole bunch of flatness. We have nice sunsets, though, right?
1. Midlake and Brave Combo are way cooler than Bieber. Not sure where they rank in relation to Drake, though.